I Want to Train a Parrot
I’m considering commencing a new vocation in training ‘parrots’. Not the feathered variety, I assure you, but those who arm themselves with employer’s ‘customer service’ spiel and feed it to us in recently harvested monotones.
My feathers were ruffled (sorry!) when on Saturday I responded to my bank’s request to provide it some information. After piercing half-a-dozen robotic security questions – just to get through to an operator – I then had to listen to a waffling recitation of matters said to ‘protect me’ and that: ‘any advice provided is not applicable to all situations.’ I interjected to say: ‘I am not seeking advice; I’m merely providing information asked of me.’
‘Sorry, we have to provide this information for your own protection.’
‘I don’t need protection. Why would I when all I want to do is provide you a Tax Identification Number?’
Most readers will know that a Customer Service representative will conduct a call only on THEIR terms. I just could not get through to the cerebally challenged assistant. The problem we, the consumer, have, is that we make many of these calls through an 0345 service, the effect being that WE pay a premium to put up with the incompetent, padded-out antics of these supposed ‘professional’ operators.
It is a sign of the times. These ‘preliminary disclaimers’ are not exclusive to banks, but seem to be the norm we endure when we call ANY service. Even an oak furniture company presented me a two-minute spiel absolving itself from any responsibility for its products or delivery!!
So, in my entrepreneurial manner, I think I can promote my services aimed at injecting personality into these droll script readers. Shamefully, I don’t rate myself a high chance of success.